And don’t forget, it’s a day of international solidarity for workers who make the world go ’round
By Bob Berwyn
Good morning and welcome to VoiceOver, the world’s only column that is feeling rather ebullient on this fine spring day, after having spotted several bluebirds and some fuzzy baby ducks. In our world, this means spring has definitely sprung, Despite the rather chilly weather that’s prevailed recently, we KNOW that the season for cruising in shorts and open-toed shoes is just around the corner.
Of course when we went to dust off the flip-flops we found that the new pup had chewed off one of the toe straps, which is a problem in terms of getting the flip-flops to stay on your feet. So we got a new pair, and now we are ready! We’re feeling pretty sure that we’re going to go straight from winter to summer this year, so forget all about that wishy-washy transition stuff and break out the cut-offs!
By the way, does anyone still wear cut-offs? We’re talking about the Real Thing here, not that store-bought, $39.99 Nordstrom’ “faux” casual wear. We mean where you wake up one day and, realizing it’s too warm to wear long pants, you just impulsively grab those faded, comfy Levis and a pair of scissors and hack away. What a liberating feeling! We highly recommend it to everyone as a way to celebrate May Day. Just try and get the lengths the same on both legs, so that you don’t have to go back and even them up, otherwise you might end up with a pair of hot pants, which could be good, or it could be bad. It all depends. We’re not making any value judgments here, we’re just sayin’ there are certain people that can wear hot pants, and other people who should never, ever even consider the idea.
We have several pairs of old jeans with hole worn in the knees from scrubbing bathroom and kitchen floors this winter, but the upper half is still in fine shape and we’re going go create a pair of cut-offs just as soon as we finish writing this column. And then we’re gonna wear them, snow or no snow.
So in lieu of — or maybe in addition to — dancing around the Maypole, grab your old jeans and some scissors, cut ’em off, and please, by all means, send us a picture at firstname.lastname@example.org. Best cutoffs win a free extreme makeover by a team of skilled fashionistas, who will embroider a likeness of Elvis on your denim. the We’ll even pay to have your toenails painted rainbow colors for you and throw in a free tattoo.
By the way, this is BIG day in some parts of the world. We love any festival that emphasizes fertility and the richness of the Earth, even more so if it involves dancing by beautiful young maidens and handsome lads. But to add the icing to the cake, May Day during the 20th Century became established as an anarchist and socialist holiday, sometimes also known as International Workers Day.
We know for a fact that in many civilized countries, the toiling worker bees actually use this day to go to a park, have a picnic with their friends and family, quaffing plenty of dandelion wine in the process. That’s after the big parade, of course, when everyone wears red, and waves giant red banners proclaiming solidarity with all the other workers of the world — even if it’s a regular week day. Quaint, isn’t it?
Plus, we have some fairly strong anarchist leanings, and we mean that in the best possible way. We understand that the word anarchy has some negative connotations, but we want to point out that, in a positive sense, anarchy is all about personal responsibility, One man’s anarchy starts where another’s controlling tendencies end.
Here’s what we’re talking about, straight from the pages of Wikipedia: In recent years, a London-based group called the Space Hijackers have held events on May Day, including the Mayday Anarchists vs. Members of Parliament Cricket match in 2005. We’d like to see a Mayday Anarchists vs. Members of Congress touch football game on the Washington Mall. We think that would be an appropriate way to celebrate and we feel pretty sure the anarchists would kick some serious butt.
We are also stoked that we get to use the word “ebullient” in a sentence. It’s not the kind of word we get to place in our everyday stories about mayhem and havoc, unless it’s to say that one of our sources wasn’t exactly ebullient about the way his comments were used. So when we have a chance to get all fancy, we do. For us keyboard-pounding hacks, this is the equivalent of taking the dog for a walk in the park, playing on the see-saw or hanging ten on a surfboard. It takes us to the edge of our linguistic envelope and opens up new literary vistas.
We’re outta here, polishing our Maypole and we suggest you do the same, But don’t forget to read the rest of the day’s new first at http://www.summitvoice.org!