VoiceOver: 100 percent biodegradable and wind-powered

Posted on April 14, 2010 by Bob Berwyn

Why go to Moab if Moab comes to you?

Good evening and welcome to VoiceOver, Summit County’s only column that was thinking about going to Moab for spring break but decided not to after finding a nice thick layer of red desert dust in the local snowpack after our most recent storm.

Why bother going to Moab if Moab is willing to come here? Heck, that way, we can have the best of both worlds — red desert dirt and nice spring snow.

But really, this dust thing is pretty amazing. First thing in the morning, our trusty Subaru looked all pretty, covered with new snow to where you couldn’t see the winter’s worth of grime. But then when it all melted, there it was, a bright orange layer at the bottom of the snow …

And the thing is, it’s getting worse. The folks who track this stuff are pretty much convinced that the stuff can be traced to increased human activity in the Southwest, and it’s probably going to get worse if there are more droughts.

Scores of VoiceOver Readers: “Enough already with the global warming scare stories. We’re already all bummed out about this ski season, barely had a powder day all winter long. What do you want us to do?”

VoiceOver: We recommend an attitude adjustment involving renewable alternative energy sources, less consumption, more reflection and a general sense of humility and respect.

SOVOR: “That’s a lot to ask. We can barely remember what day of the week it is, and you’re asking us to get all Zen. Not sure we can handle that.” (more…)

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VoiceOver: Home of plutonium gum

Posted on March 20, 2010 by Bob Berwyn

… Where the Gruffalo roams

Good morning and welcome to VoiceOver, Summit County’s only column that just can’t get over how the world of chewing gum has changed in our lifetime. Used to be that there was Wrigley’s gum: Yellow (with a slightly fruity flavor), minty green and white, which, as far as we were concerned, was the bland flavor for old people. Plus, there was Bazooka bubblegum if blowing bubbles was your thing.

Oh yeah — and Chiclets, which we never really got, because they were so small you needed to chew about 16 of ‘em to get a good wad going. Turns out Chiclets were at the center of some early candy cartel skullduggery, as outlined on this fascinating web page.

These days, there are so many brands and flavors that gum pretty much needs its own aisle in the grocery/convenience/drugstore. We can’t even begin to keep track any more and we really get overwhelmed when it’s time to make a choice. Should we go with the Black Jack licorice-flavor? And the flavors keep changing, seemingly from week to week. We know it sounds fogey-ish, but we yearn for a simpler time, when three main flavors was more than enough.

We’re pretty sure this profusion of variety in the world of gum has some deep cultural significance, although we couldn’t begin to tell you what that might be. We’ll wait until some grad student publishes a thesis on it.

Heck, 5 Gum, a newish Wrigley’s brand, even has its own Facebook page.

Scores of VoiceOver Readers: “Get out! A chewing gum with a Facebook page? How many fans does it have? Can we win prizes, like a lifetime supply of gum?”

VoiceOver: Uh, we don’t know. Out of principle, we refuse to visit a chewing gum fan page, but you’re welcome to click on over there yourself and check it out. Let us know if it’s worthwhile. Here’s the link: 5 Gum. Looks like they’re offering a “personalized sensory experience.”

Read the rest of VoiceOver here.

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VoiceOver: Bring back tug-of-war (and bowling)

Posted on March 1, 2010 by Bob Berwyn

A tug-of-war match at the 1904 Summer Olympics in St. Louis. Photo from the IOC archives.

Early Olympics featured live pigon shooting and Basque Peolota

Good morning and welcome to VoiceOver, Summit County’s only column that’s having Olympics withdrawals after turning on the TV and (gasp!) not finding any curling, hockey, biathlon … What are we gonna do the next four years?

Oh well, this too shall pass, and before long things will be back to normal, the gold medals will be in the trophy cases, Apolo will shave off his soul patch, Lindsey will get her guest appearance on Law and Order and we’ll have to start thinking about those little mundane, routine things that keep us going. Hmmm, maybe we’ll start by painting our toenails and trimming our ear and nose hair. That’s always a good way to kick things up to the next level.

But before we tuck this year’s Olympic memories away for good, we’d just like to say that we think the IOC should bring back the winter pentathlon for the next games in Sochi.

Scores of VoiceOver Readers: “Winter pentathlon? What the heck is that? And, by the way, we don’t think Apolo will ever shave off his soul patch. That’s his trademark. He wouldn’t be Apolo without it.”

VoiceOver: You’ve never heard of winter pentathlon? Let us tell you, this sounds like it could potentially be the most exciting Winter Olympic sports event yet, combining XC skiing, shooting, downhill skiing, fencing and horse riding.

Read the rest of VoiceOver here.

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VoiceOver: The quadrennial Olympic rant

Posted on February 21, 2010 by Bob Berwyn

Our new favorite Olympic sport ...

A grilled-cheese sandwich, some soft slippers and … Olympic curling!

Good evening and welcome to VoiceOver, Summit County’s only column that’s still completely enthralled with the Olympics, even though we think Bob Costas is smarmy that that NBC’s TV coverage totally sucks.

We don’t have a problem with NBC per se. They’ve done a great job of delivering timely online content and it seems like they have enough cameras spread around the greater Vancouver area that a fella (or gal) couldn’t sneeze without being recorded. Our problem, like every Olympics, is the time-delay and packaging of events to be broadcast during primetime. And as we think about it, it’s not even so much the delay; it’s the fact that they like to PRETEND that it’s live and PRETEND that they don’t know that pretty much everybody in the world knows the results of the world several hours before they’re shown.

Or like when the local news comes on, and the sports dudes tell you (wink, wink) to turn off the volume of the TV if you don’t want to hear the results. Give us a break. Especially in the age of social media, it’s almost impossible to NOT know … Take this morning, for example (That would be Sunday). We knew about Bode’s gold medal before we even finished baking our blueberry muffins, but we didn’t see the race until right about the time we started writing this column, which would be about 6:45 p.m.

It’s the total manipulation of reality that we object to, and we just want everybody to understand what’s going on. See, it’s all about advertising. It’s convenient for the TV folks to be able schedule the exact times that ads will run, right down to the demographics of knowing that the ice dancing finals will be be broadcast at 7:10 p.m. so that women can be targeted with ads specific to their interests. Meanwhile, while they’re showing the mens Super-combined, we get ads for erectile dysfunction drugs …

Read the rest of our rant here …

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VoiceOver: Half-baked from scratch!

Posted on February 7, 2010 by Bob Berwyn

What's up with flour packaging? Why haven't these people figured out the re-sealable thing, like the salami people?

We’re Celebrating Bob Marley’s birthday with blackberry muffins

Good morning and welcome to VoiceOver, Summit County’s only weekly column that had reggae on the brain all day yesterday, seeing as how it was Bob Marley’s birthday. That’s right, the godfather of reggae would have been 65, and we’re sure he still would be singing “Three Little Birds” if he was around. We’re not all that big into Rastafarianism or anything, but we do appreciate that a musician can make people smile, sing and dance, convey a serious message and effect social change, all at the same time.

We’re all about bringing people other than lawyers into positions of leadership and power. As far as we can tell, from the way things work — or don’t work — in Washington, D.C., there are waaaaay too many lawyers gumming up the works. Nothing against lawyers per se, by the way. We don’t tell lawyer jokes and we understand that they’re a necessary component of our civil society. It’s just that we reckon too many of ‘em end up in Congress.

We think a variety of people would be good, and we love the idea of rock musicians, artists and poets getting into politics, just to bring some fresh perspective to the table. Like Peter Garrett, the former lead singer for Midnight Oil, who, we’re pretty sure, became head of the Australian environment ministry at some point. We understand that Garrett also has a law degree, but for us, he’s always been a rocker, ever since we saw Midnight Oil play a Greenpeace fundraiser at the Catalyst in Santa Cruz, way back in the day.

Then there’s Vaclav Havel, a poet, playwright and moral pillar if there ever was one. He helped guide the Czech Republic out from behind the Iron Curtain, in case you don’t remember.

So without further ado, here’s our pick for a rock and roll cabinet: Dave Matthews for president, Tom Petty for VP, Bob Dylan for Secretary of State, Neil Young for Secretary of Defense. We think Bruce Springsteen needs to be in there as well, along with BB King and Aretha Franklin.

Read the rest of VoiceOver here …

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VoiceOver: Herding yaks for two months

Posted on February 1, 2010 by Bob Berwyn

Ah, yes, they DO have horns! (photo courtesy animalphotos.com via the Creative Commons).

Good morning and welcome to VoiceOver, Summit County’s only semi-regular column that just can’t wait to book it over to the Asian Oven in Silverthorne sometime soon to try out some of their yak meat. We’re not sure exactly why we’re so excited, but the mere thought of yak meat has us drooling all over our Bob Marley T-shirt. And not only do they have yak meat, but it’s locally raised, if we are to believe the blurb we heard on Krystal 93 the other day.

Scores of VoiceOver Readers: ” Yak meat? Get out. You gotta be kidding us. We’re pretty adventurous and all. We’ve been know to try shark fin soup (we know, we know, it’s not ecologically correct to eat sharks, they’re supposed to eat us) and we’ve even munched chocolate-covered ants — but yak meat?”

VoiceOver: That’s what we said. We nearly drove off the road when we heard it. We are all about yak meat. We’d ride our unicycle 10 miles backwards in the snow, with a flat tire, to chow down on that. And we don’t even know how to ride a unicycle, but we’d learn.

And the idea of it being locally raised is really cool. We’re thinking that, if this global warming thing is for real, raising yaks could be one potential way for folks up here in the high country to make a living. We could go all Mongolian, living in yurts, herding yaks on the dusty high altitude steppes of the Gore Range, cooking over yak dung fires and learning to play Mongolian flute music. We’d make yak wool yarn and knit colorful sweaters, we’d harvest yak horns and grind them into an aphrodisiac powder …

SOVOR: “Wait a minute, you’re getting ahead of yourselves. Do yaks even have horns? And if you’re talking global warming, who in the world is going to need yak wool sweaters? You really haven’t thought this thing through, have you?”

Read the rest of VoiceOver here …

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VoiceOver: Where Franz Klammer and Prometheus mingle

Posted on January 23, 2010 by Bob Berwyn

We have no reason to run this photo with VoiceOver because it's not related to anything in the text, but we dig it because our 11-year-old made this desert for us. Plus, we didn't have any other interesting pictures. But if you have a photo you'd like to see posted here at Summit Voice, please send it to us via e-mail using the link at the top left-hand corner of the page. We'll put it up as soon as we get it, and then you'll be able to tell all your friends that your picture made it into Summit Voice.

Brownies for breakfast and more nonsense on a Saturday morning

Good morning and welcome to VoiceOver, Summit County’s only column getting so desperate for snow that we’re starting to consider some really far-out measures to try and appease Ullr. No, don’t worry, we would never go as far as human sacrifice. But we’ve burned most of our old skis, done all the snow dances we know, shaken our fist at the sky every morning for the past three weeks and it’s just not working.

OK, we do still have a pair of 220-cm Atomic DH “red sleds” that we haven’t been able to part with yet. It’s basically the same ski Franz Klammer used to ski on, and it’s Hahnenkamm weekend in Kitzbühel, so maybe that would do the trick. Oh, and we also have a pair of 210-cm Karhu Extremes from back in the old-school days of tele skiing – maybe we should burn those, too.

Scores of VoiceOver Readers: “Yeah, Burn ‘em! Or ski on ‘em, but don’t just let them sit in your basement to collect dust.

And where have you been, anyway? It’s been, like, more than a week. Did you get tired of our lighthearted banter and sarcastic feedback?”

VoiceOver: Nah, we’ve just been busy putting up stories and upgrading the Summit Voice web site to make it better and better. And it’s paying off. Have you noticed all the groovy new features?

(more…)

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VoiceOver: Using Web 2.0 to pick potato chips

Posted on January 14, 2010 by Bob Berwyn

Ever wondered what a Jack 'O Lantern sees? Here's the view from within. check out the whole pumpkin blog by clicking on the picture.

Please donate to earthquake relief in Haiti. You can go online to the Red Cross here to help.

Good morning and welcome to VoiceOver, Summit County’s only column wondering why CNN is using a weatherman to cover the Haiti earthquake. Excuse us, but since when does tectonic earth movement have anything to do with weather?

We know it’s tough times for journalism and everything, what with cutbacks and downsizing and reporters having to cover multiple beats — huh, yeah, we REALLY know about that last one — but you’d think that they could find a geologist somewhere who would be happy to come in and give the low-down on earth science, as opposed to atmospheric science.

For all the horror, devastation and misery earthquakes can cause, it’s an awesome sign of how the Earth is alive. It would be instructive to have someone who actually specializes in the geology of the Caribbean come on and explain things, and THEN the weather guy could come on and say something like, “At least it’s not going to rain and it’s warm enough that people will be able to survive without shelter.”

The Weather Channel, on the other hand, brought in a geologist from the U.S. Geological Survey, who clearly knew his stuff and gave a reasoned explanation of plate tectonics in the Caribbean, addressing concerns about other faults that could affect the region. That’s more like it.

Scores of VoiceOver Readers: “Dudes, didn’t you just get in trouble for question something like this? What was that whole deal again, where you questioned the Weather Channel about how they reported snowstorms in Colorado?”

VoiceOver: Exactly! But we fear no one, and we’ll always call it like we see it. And lest anyone think we’re making light of this natural disaster, we want to tell you that it’s time to dig deep and give a little. This is one of the poorest countries in the world, and they are going to need all the help they can get. So if you’re feeling the least bit spendy, whip out your checkbook right now and send some money to the Red Cross or somebody like that. We were going to use this space to ask for money to fund Summit Voice, so we can keep it going a few more days, but you gotta have priorities, right?

Read more here …

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VoiceOver: Breakfast with Sponge Bob

Posted on January 9, 2010 by Bob Berwyn

Our favorite Porifera!

Good evening and welcome to VoiceOver, Summit County’s only column that just finished a class in comparative cartoonology. Yep, we spent some quality time this morning enjoying a few episodes of Sponge Bob, which seems to be the most popular cartoon of recent times. Our 11-year-old reckoned that he’s seen just about every episode of Sponge Bob, and that it’s pretty much his favorite cartoon.

Being more old-school ourselves, we prefer some of the classics, but we’ve come to appreciate the understated irony and sophisticated satire of the freaky little sponge, and we sometimes (and this is scary) hear his laugh in our sleep.

We do like the idea of an intelligent sponge, considering that these organisms are some of the oldest on Earth and are able to build skeletal elements from basic substances like calcium carbonate. Scientists believe that some of the earliest multi-cellular life forms on Earth were sponge-like, with a few fossils dating back 600 million years.

And, just like the cartoon shows, if you put a sponge in a blender, the remaining living cells have the ability to re-form into another sponge. Even more amazing, if you put a bunch of different sponges in a blender together, each species will recombine independently.

Scores of VoiceOver Readers: “That sounds messy and gross. Why would you ever want to put sponges in a blender? We once put a sponge down our garbage disposal by accident, and let us tell you, it took the plumber two hours to get it going again.” (more…)

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VoiceOver: Home of stalagmites and hairy crimson fruit

Posted on December 16, 2009 by Bob Berwyn

Stalagmite or upside-down icicle? You decide, by leaving a comment below.

Good afternoon and welcome to VoiceOver, Summit County’s only column with an ice stalagmite growing in its backyard.

Dozens of VoiceOver Readers: “Get out! An ice stalagmite? First of all, are you sure you know the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite?”

VO: Yep, we’re sure. We looked it up, and not just on Wikipedia, but in our trusty, ancient, leather-bound Merriam Webster’s dictionary. Had to blow the dust off the cover, but it was fun browsing through the pages. Not too many interesting words in the vicinity of stalagmite and stalactite, but we did learn about staghorn sumac, a plant with “velvety pubescent branches” and “hairy crimson fruit.”

DOVOR: “Hmmm, sounds interesting. Is the fruit edible?”

VO: Oh, gee, now you’ve stumped us. It didn’t say in the dictionary and we don’t have time to do more research right now, but we’ll put it on our to-do list for the next few days. But as a general rule, we tend to stay away from hairy crimson fruit.

DOVOR: “OK, but don’t forget. Inquiring minds want to know. And by the way, based on the picture, we think what you’ve got there is an upside-down icicle rather than a stalagmite. I you want to get technical about it, a stalagmite needs to have some sort of calcite component to it. At least that’s what we vaguely remember from our geology lessons way back in the day.”

VO: Well, you can call it whatever you want, we’re going with stalagmite. It’s pretty impressive, really. It’s been growing a few inches every day, with little drips of water coming down out of a dryer vent. We’re hoping it gets big enough to where we can practice some of our ice-climbing moves pretty soon. (more…)

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